It’s fair to say university hasn’t been a breeze for me, in the slightest. No exaggeration, that from the moment that I arrived, things took a turn for the worst, I was hit with bad news, my relationship was damaged and the thing is I was on my own dealing with it all with no friendly faces for a bit of support to get through it, I felt completely alone.
I didn’t want to go to freshers week or do anything for that matter, I just felt stuck in my rut no matter how much I tried to drag myself out of it, I didn’t go to any events or go out which is probably why my course thought I was an absolute melt really, when in reality I’m so different once you get to know me but it’s so true that being in an enviroment where you feel unhappy turns you into a person who 100% isn’t you.
First term was weird, new people, new environment, living by myself and fending for myself for the first time ever was a really strange experience, I always thought I was a fiercely independent person, but until I got to uni I never really knew what true independence was. I got to my lowest point at the end of first term, I felt like I wasn’t connecting with people, felt like I hadn’t progressed and to top things off my job at the time dismissed me. I panicked, rushed to my lecturers and told them I wanted to drop out, I’d hit rock bottom and if anything I wanted to run home and just cry to my mum and eat my body weight in junk food.
My lecturers were incredibly supportive of me but defiant that I should stick it out for another term, as first term is not a true representation of how uni is always going to be, and not to make any rash decisions, they told me to go home for the holidays, chill out and just forget about everything, come back refreshed and start all over again. So off I went and enjoyed Christmas, spent time with family and friends and I felt like things started to get better, it was interesting when I went on a night out and saw loads of people who I used to go to college with and it hit me how much they’d changed, people weren’t so grounded anymore and turned their noses up at me when I talked about what I’d been doing. From then, I started to get excited about going back to university and having a fresh start all over again.
My lecturers were completely right, second term is turning out to be a million times better, leaving all the shit from first term behind and moving forward and making friendships for life, grafting to get my degree, trying new things and looking forward to each day rather than dreading it. Though getting out of bed on a Thursday morning is proving to be difficult still, I’m sure I’ll get there soon. Ballet just doesn’t agree with me as a person. I’m getting a lot more involved in my university life and living for it, might as well live my best life when there’s no assessments this year contribute towards my final grade. GET IN.
When I think that I hit rock bottom only a couple of weeks ago and how much things have changed in a short space of time, I noticed it’s based on my attitude and how I’ve gotten up from rock bottom, that’s truly defined me these past few weeks *Singing ‘THIS IS ME’ from The Greatest Showman whilst writing* I’m a lot stronger than I think.
I’m looking forward to this term, a performance platform, two cheerleading competitions and a couple of weeks off in between, where I’m hoping to see a couple of shows in London, things are looking up, just need to keep my chin up, chill, everything’s gonna be fine.